Following One's Bliss

How to follow one's bliss? That is an existential question I keep asking myself as I explore the mystical woods of the Great Unknown. People often ask me what motivated me to move to Maui. What got me here was a strong determination to make a change in my life. Something big! Something positive! "Follow your bliss," I kept hearing from friends, teachers, books, billboards. I finally got the message that I was being nudged by the powers of the universe to change the way I was living life, even change my career.

Once I got it in my heart it was time to move, my radar was scanning the map for what places felt like they were pulling at me. Immediately cities across the U.S. began to shine on the map--Austin, TX, Ashville, NC, Phoenix, AZ, and ... Hawaii! I couldn't imagine moving that far away from Texas. No way. Austin, maybe, but never Hawaii. I did a lot of meditation seeking answers. I visualized living in each place and felt what that area of the U.S. might be like. I even considered Costa Rica for brief moment, then decided better to stay where I'm a citizen and know the language.

I listed my values--surrounded by nature, warm weather most of the year, lots of sunshine, spiritual community, plenty of activities that involve the outdoors, exotic locale, friends nearby, dolphins, bikini girls, etc. Then I went on a retreat in Hawaii and just fell in love with the energy of the islands. I had already been to Kaui twice, Maui three times, and the Big Island twice. The Hawaiian islands matched my values and more. A good buddy of mine and his girlfriend were already living on the Big Island and encouraging me to move here. While retreating on the Big Island I meditated some more just to be sure I was making the right decision. For me this was such a monumental decision, because it was my first move away from my family: parents, sister, grandparents, and cousins, most of whom live in Texas.

As I meditated, I got a strong inner feeling, a deep knowing, that this would be a good move for me. On a beach staring at the ocean, listening to the surf crash against the rocks, I made the decision. "I'm moving to Maui." Even though I was on the Big Island at the time, Maui was calling me very strongly. The rest was me overcoming all the fears and obstacles that wanted to keep me in Dallas, my comfort zone. I had a fifteen-year video business and several established clients I was leaving behind. My closest friends and clients all pulled at my heart strings to stay. You just don't realize how much you're loved until you tell everyone you're uprooting.

Leaving Dallas was much harder than I thought. I was raised a Texan since the age of two and thirty-six years later I was leaving behind my cowboy boots for flipflops and hula girls, oh yeah, and bikini girls, too. But more than just heading off to some kind of tropical paradise, this was a spiritual decision for me. I was on a quest of self-discovery and knew that staying for other people was not allowing me to grow. As I writer I felt it would be good for me to expand my horizons. So I sold everything, said many tearful goodbyes, and flew West to seven tiny dots on the Pacific Ocean.

I'm often asked, when following one's bliss, how does one know they are making the best decision? You meditate until your thoughts are clear and your inner voices have stopped chattering, and then you feel into your heart as you ask very specific questions. Also helps to get away from the noise of the city and commune with nature. When the true answer comes your heart fills with joy and the idea of doing this next new thing motivates you to hop out of bed in the morning. Following one's bliss is an ongoing exploration. It's not a destination to reach, but an attitude of just doing what makes you happy.

War Hero Grandfather Inspires Novel

In my World War II supernatural thriller Shadows in the Mist," I follow  Lt. Jack Chambers' platoon through the famous Battle of the Hurtgen Forest. During that time I was reading Band of Brothers by Stephen Ambrose. From reading that book I learned the thick bond that developed between soldiers who had to rely on one another for survival.

I was determined to create a platoon of misfits that people cared about. And for that to happen, Lieutenant Jack Chambers had to care about his men. So I made it his mission to do whatever it takes to get his men out of the Hurtgen Forest alive. They call themselves "The Lucky Seven" because as a unit they have survived so many combats together, going all the way back to before D-Day, when they fought in Sicily together. These guys are as close-knit as they get. Because they've outlived so many men, they believe that they are charmed with some kind of strange luck. Two of them, Private Hoffer and Private Finch, are comic book writers. They believe that the Lucky Seven are invincible soldiers destined to be super heroes. They've all become superstitious. Each man of The Lucky Seven carries a good-luck charm and they do a ritual before every battle. Lieutenant Chambers believes his good luck comes from the silver watch his father gave him before he died.

In one of the early chapters, during the present-day portion of the book, Jack Chambers's grandson, Sean, flies to Germany. While riding in an airplane, Sean examines the mysterious war diary his grandfather gave him. A photo of a platoon slides out. On the back is written "The Lucky Seven" and the names of each.

Lieutenant Jack Chambers

Master Sergeant John Mahoney

Sergeant Buck Parker

Corporal Duece Wilson

Pfc. Gabe Finch

Pfc. Rafe Hoffer

Pfc. Miguel Garcia

While writing and researching this novel, I spent four and a half years with these characters. For each I wrote in-depth histories and had them write letters home to loved ones. None of that made it into the book, but it did help me get to know each soldier deeply. The platoon became like a "band of brothers" to me. The above photo is of my grandfather, Captain Dawson "Hank" Moreland (standing in center). He was a pilot, but he also did routine field training. I came across this photo two months ago, long after I wrote the book. I never knew it existed. When I counted seven soldiers in the photo, I got goosebumps.

Revelations of a Workaholic

It's 6:00 a.m. here in the Aloha state, and I'm rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I start my morning. As far as work productivity goes, I've gotten a lot accomplished this week. I finished building two blogs, updated my website, spent an hour on the phone with my agent talking about my next book, art directed some cover art with my illustrator who's painting a cover for my next short story, updated my press release, and wrote a magazine article about how my grandfather, who is a WWII hero, inspired my novel. I'm getting ready to add that article along with some photos in my next post. I'll be sharing how I got to go to Normandy, France this past summer with my ninety-year-old grandfather and the amazing experiences we had.

In addition to all my publishing and promotion tasks, I've been preparing for my big move next week, calling the electric company, Internet company, shopping for a new mattress, and lining up a mover. I'm ready to end my gypsy lifestyle and live in a home that's mine with only my stuff in it.

I've been mostly working these last couple of months. Fun work, the kind that makes me leap out of bed in the morning. Work that I enjoy so much that ten hours will just fly by. And life would be just a bowl of cherries right now if work wasn't my only mode. I'm behaving like a typical workaholic, who puts work before everything else. Whew, I'm finally willing to admit it, look at the imbalance closely, and change it. This has been pointed out to me by a close friend, as well as my roommate, Eli the cat, who demands a lot of attention, especially while I'm at my computer type-type-typing away, and all he wants is some human affection, and my attention is zoned in on writing or surfing cyberspace.

I found myself getting angry a few times that the cat was all over me, motors running, loving me unconditionally. It was really pushing my buttons. I felt angry because this little fur ball of bottomless affection is breaking my concentration. After some deep self-reflection, I discovered I have a fear pattern running me. Afraid if I don't keep working, my first book is going to fail in the marketplace, I'm going to lose my writing muse, and the dream career I've been working on is just going to end in failure. So there it is, a fear of failure. On the flip side of that is that I've been driven by an extreme desire to be successful like Stephen King. I want to walk into a bookstore and see not just one of my books on the shelf but twenty, a body of work I'm proud of. And the idea of earning royalties off all those books makes me want it more. Because residual cash flow gives an author freedom to quit his day job and write more books. This is all great as a vision for my future, but what about enjoying the here and now?

Life happens in the moment, and it's easy to live out in the future, saying, "As soon as I reach this point, then I'll be happy, then I'll relax, or then I'll spend time with my loved ones or do those things I'm most passionate about." The other day while meditating I began to feel into the energy of being a workaholic. I had this vision that inside me were hundreds of gerbils running on metal wheels. As I examined them closely, I saw their little feet were spinning the wheels faster and faster. Their black beady eyes kept glancing at me pleadingly, as if to say, "How long do we have to keep this up?" I suddenly was overcome with a sense of compassion about how hard I've been driving myself. I took a deep breath, then in my meditation I reached over and pulled an imaginary lever. There was a metallic shriek, then all the wheels began slowing down. I blew the factory whistle. All the gerbils climbed down from their wheels, looked up at me smiling, then grabbed their tiny little lunchboxes and hopped on home.

I had a revelation during that meditation. To be happy, I don't have to work like some gerbil on a wheel. I decided it's time to find some balance between working and relaxing and having fun. Spend time with people I care about. It would also be good to get out and date again. Go out and share some spicy conversation with a special woman. Romance is something, that I admit humbly, is an area of my life I have neglected for several months. I always told myself I wouldn't become that person who gets so consumed by work that I would have no time or energy left for the people who matter.

So this is me turning over a new leaf. Today I'm only working the morning, and then taking the afternoon off. I'm also taking Friday completely off to go do something fun around the island. You know, one of those activities tourists do when they come here to pretty much do nothing but explore and play and frolic at the beach. So I'm going to go do some much needed frolicking. I might even flirt with some ladies and spark up a new romance. Hawaii is the magical destination where anything can happen. Especially when you can allow the inner gerbils to just relax and enjoy the moment.

Writing Like a Zen Master

Wow, what a productive day! It's 12:30 a.m. and I'm still working.

This morning I got up at 6:00 a.m. and wrote a 14-page short story called "The Dealer of Insatiable Needs." I banged it out in about six hours. It's pure horror and creepy as hell. I was getting goosebumps just typing away at the keyboard this morning. I'm making the story available this week at my new blog DARK LUCIDITY. Tonight I built the new blog to publish my short fiction on-line. Check it out and read the "Welcome" page.

So how did I go from unmotivated, procrastinating slacker to rampant motivation in just one day? Let's backtrack. As I shared in yesterday's post, I was so down on myself for not getting anything done toward writing or marketing. I was feeling guilty, like I was throwing my dream away. I literally sat on my bed and just stared at the walls, trying to motivate myself into action. I know I can be stubborn with other people. But it's a royal pain when I'm stubborn with myself. But sometimes it's like there's a little kid inside me who just won't budge. So I thought, well if I'm going to procrastinate with work, I might as well read an inspirational book.

I'm staying at my friend's house for a couple weeks and she has all these great spiritual books lying around. I picked up Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle. You may be familiar with him, he wrote Power of Now and one of Oprah's favorites A New Earth. I start reading Stillness Speaks and it's comprised of short passages called sutras that help you slow down your mind and just relax. Be in the moment and breathe deeply. He talks about how all creativity comes from stillness. All we have to do is take a few moments to focus on nothing. I know that can be hard to do on your own, but this book guides you through the process. I kept reading the sutras and noticed that all my mental chatter just all of the sudden stopped. I reached this zen master state and just let go of all my attachments to getting work done today. The rest of the day I was so relaxed. I went for a workout at the gym then took a walk, noticing the sky, the clouds, the mountains. I know this sounds kind of woo woo, but I had a breakthrough. I went to sleep calm and, when I woke up, I was inspired to write and my short story just rolled across my computer screen as fast as I could type. I didn't even have think much about it. It was literally like the story was being told to me. As a writer, I don't always know where my creativity comes from, but I do believe I have a muse, and when I silence all the mental chatter, I get much more accomplished. Not only was I inspired to write, but as soon I completed my short story, I easily jumped to a whole list of tasks. Whew! Okay, now it's 1:00 a.m. and I'm going to force myself to stop and go to bed or I'll be too tired to wake up in the morning.

If you find yourself procrastinating on something that needs to get done, or if you're blocked creatively, I recommend taking the day off and stilling the mind. Read Stillness Speaks.

Researching SHADOWS IN THE MIST

Up to this point I had never done any WWII research. In fact, most of my knowledge had been through watching war movies. But I knew that if I was going to write a WWII-based novel and eventually publish it, it had to be factual. So I spent a good three years reading history books and articles on the Internet. I watched documentaries and movies to have a greater understanding of why we were fighting this war. I learned about weapons and war strategy and about the underground forces that assisted the Allies in sabotaging the Nazis.

I searched for a specific German forest for the story to take place. I found the perfect setting in the battle of the Hurtgen Forest (often spelled Huertgen). This took place in September - November, 1944 just prior to the Battle of the Bulge. The Hurtgen Battle is not discussed very much in history books, because it was a part of the war where the U.S. and British forces suffered a lot of casualties and gained little ground for months. I got really inspired by this painting from James Dietz called "The Huertgen Forest Patrol."

The Hurtgen Forest provided the best setting for my novel because it was always foggy and rainy. Infantry soldiers gave it nicknames like "The Meat Grinder" and "The Green Hell." It matched the setting I had created in my original short story. I saw the G.I. centered in the painting as my hero Lieutenant Jack Chambers leading his platoon into certain doom.

One of the biggest complaints of the G.I.'s who had to go into the fog-enshrouded forest was the mist was so thick they couldn't even see the Germans. This inspired me to change my title from "The Refuge" to SHADOWS IN THE MIST.

Even though this is a supernatural horror novel, I wanted it to ring true and for the reader to feel a sense of realism. I wanted it to feel like you as the reader are experiencing the war as if you were a soldier in the platoon, and you can hear the explosions and feel the bullets whizzing by. To know what this felt like, I interviewed retired veterans who fought in the Hurtgen Forest. I learned what they ate and how they slept and what fighting the Germans was really like for them. I even traveled to Germany for three weeks by myself, with nothing but a backpack, camera, and journal, and walk through the very woods where the battles happened. Even today, the woods are creepy. Here are a couple photos I took.

To learn more about this story and see photos visit this page on my website: http://brianmoreland.com/wwiiresearch/hürtgenforestgermany.html.

SHADOWS IN THE MIST is a cross-genre novel, combining military history, espionage, with supernatural horror. The supernatural aspect is actually based on historical facts about the Nazis and their fascination with the Occult. To read more on this visit this page on my website:
http://brianmoreland.com/wwiiresearch/nazioccultmysticism.html.

Because of all the research, it took me over four and a half years to complete the novel. But through the process, I discovered that researching a novel is just as much fun as writing one.